1. Anonymous said: For the parents of the wee ones out there, like myself. What would your advice be in the case that our child(ren) came and said to us that they were trans? What can a parent do to be the best support to their trans child(ren)? Are there any things that we might do & not realize it, that we should avoid when trying to be an advocate for our child(ren)?

    If your child comes out as trans the best things you can do are - emphatically confirm that you love them unconditionally, take a lot of time to listen to their gender identity and what their needs are in trying to best express that, try not to make assumptions but do your research, offer (but do not force) opportunities resources/support groups/etc., and finally advocate for them but let them dictate their needs and the pace.  Oh, and get yourself some support!

    Accepting and supportive parents are awesome, but I think the biggest pitfall that can happen is that they can be a little overzealous.  Think bad helicopter parent stereotypes.  Just listen closely to your child’s needs, and do your best to support those.  If they just want to wear [____] gendered clothes at home, then buy them some clothes, give them a hug, and move on!  If they want to present in their preferred gender in public/at school/etc. then talk with them some more and work out a plan together for how you can accomplish it.  If they are experiencing some serious body dysphoria talk about setting up some doctors appointments and work together on a feasible plan for taking care of those needs.  Just do not make the assumption that you know what your child needs in the gender department, or that you know best, without having those conversations first.

    The good news is there are lots of great resources out there for trans people (and their families, though to a somewhat lesser degree) these days.  And on top of that, stories of trans kids are prominent enough that there are books out there, support groups, conferences, blogs, etc. that can help any parent work through what is inevitably a somewhat complicated (and sometimes quite difficult) journey.

     


  2. Anonymous said: I've followed you for a while just to pick up on your blog but I'm always on mobile and I'm wondering do you post any pictures of yourself or who's in your life? Do you have a FaQ page.

    I do occasionally post pictures of us, not all the time, but semi-frequently(?)  Here is one from earlier today.  On the FAQ front, we do have an “About" section that covers most of the basics, but I am pretty happy to answer anything else that is missing there, feel free to ask!

     


  3. Anonymous said: Did you and navy start dating before you became trans?

    I am pretty sure I did not “become” trans at some point, I just always was trans and the gender dissonance just became more obvious as I got older (and I got a better grasp of how to define it).  In simpler terms - baby, I was born this way.

    When Navyy and I first started dating (in high school) I was very much in the closet.  At that point I had never encountered the word “transgender” only the words transsexual and crossdresser, and since I was not sure I wanted surgery I identified at that point (and only in secret), as a crossdresser.  When we first started dating I was also under the (sadly logical) delusion that finding a girlfriend might cure me from wanting to be female.  Somehow my brain put it together that maybe my gender variance was just some weird outgrowth of being single.  Wrong.

    I came out to Navyy and told her that I crossdressed when we were both in college, at which point we had been dating for just over 2 years.  As I gradually learned/read more about trans stuff, and better developed my grasp of terminology and my own identity I began to solidly identify myself as trans.  At this point I feel very confident in what my identity means, though I am still trying to work out all the details of how I can best manage all the complicated interactions it causes, but Navyy is very much in the know and involved in talking through all of this stuff.  

     

  4. Absolutely.  Being trans is definitely not a choice.  I spent years trying to convince myself that maybe if I did [fill in the blank] I might just feel like a “normal guy” as a teenager, and no matter what I tried to do or how many times I swore it off those feelings always returned.  At this point in my life I do not regret being trans at all - it has taught me a lot about myself that I might never have learned.  But it definitely has not made life easier.  

     


  5. grammaspotsandpans said: I am curious about your names. Did you choose the name Kat? Is it similar to or in contrast to your birth name? Is it your birth name? What about Navyy? Feel free to answer as specifically as you feel comfortable privacy wise...just curious!

    Sure thing!

    For a long time I did not really have a name for myself (aside from my male name).  I was pretty closeted and until I started really digging into online resources/support for trans people (early college) and coming out to Navyy so I kind of avoided it for a while.  Once it became obvious that I was not going to spend the rest of my life hiding that part of me in a room a name became both a necessity and a great way to give life to that part of me.  I wanted one with some flexibility, and one that just felt right.  Some trans people feminize their birth names, and while that was an option it just felt a little too similar to me and so I opted not to do it.  Some trans people go with what their parents might have named them had they been assigned their preferred gender at birth - in my case that was my sister’s name, so I was not about to go that route.  So instead I settled on Katherine - thinking that it had plenty of variations (Kat, Katie, Kathy, etc.), had some good history (Catherine the Great was a badass), and felt pretty right to me.  And Kat ended up being the preferred version…so that has stuck!

    Navyy is not really my partner’s name, but it was a longtime internet moniker of hers, so we used it on here as well.  Her first name is a fairly unique one, so to keep things a little more private we have left her as “Navyy” on here, just like Minky shall remain Minky.

     


  6. dweaver980 said: To be completely honest, I was shocked when I first learned you didn't suffer from 'bottom dysphoria' as trans and reassignment always went hand in hand to me, even for a liberal, LGBTQ supporter. I really love that following you is allowing me to learn more about the trans community and trans experience than I ever would have felt comfortable asking the few trans folks I know. Thank you for being so candid with your experiences.

    Happy to do it!

    The medical narrative of the trans experience is pretty well established, so it is not at all surprising to me that people have that expectation.  The truth is that trans experiences are really diverse, and that for a lot of reasons surgery is just not a desirable option for some trans people like myself.  That said I am totally in favor of, and strongly advocate for trans-related care (including all surgeries) to be covered under health insurance policies.  People should have access to the treatment they need, so that they can make an informed decision in conjunction with their doctor(s) based on their needs - rather than a decision forced by the price/availability of certain care options (without healthcare coverage gender confirmation surgeries run into the tens of thousands of dollars).  I am also a big advocate for better, more universal healthcare in general in this country, but that is another issue entirely.