moonboyandsungirl asked: Hi I love your blog. I'm just starting out on my journey as a transman and due to certain obstacles it looks like I won't be able to get the things I need to start transitioning all the way and I've been really depressed about it. Do you have any advice on how to deal with being "in between" transitioning and not? What are your thoughts on natural transition for ftm's?
Since I am trans-feminine I will try to speak more generally about being “in between” rather than trying to speak for a trans-masculine perspective.
Not everyone who is gender variant/non-comforming is trans, not everyone who identifies as trans transitions, and not everyone who transitions does it the same way or to the same extent. No matter what keep reminding yourself that your path is completely valid, period. There are plenty of people out there who will tell you that if you have not done x,y,z that you are not “really” a “man” or a “woman” and there are even plenty of trans people out there who feel like if you have not done x,y,z then you are not “really” trans. If you identify as a man, you are a man. If you identify as a woman, you are a woman. If you identify as neither, both, or something else entirely - great! Your identity is yours to own, as is your path in exploring that identity.
But back more specifically to your question. Being in between can be depressing. There are challenges of navigating different spaces, figuring out where/how/when you can be out in certain ways, and just feeling incomplete at times. That is rough. On the other hand being in between can be empowering if you own your identity and can surround yourself with affirming/supportive people. Transition should always be an available option, but it is not the holy grail of the trans experience. I personally have contemplated transition seriously a number of times, but each time I come back to the realization that it is just what I need to be happy, for many reasons.
You ask for my thoughts on a “natural” transition for an FtM. But I would argue that transition is not about what is most natural, but rather what is most necessary to get you to a place of balance. For me that has meant a lot of things - being more out and open, spending more time presenting as female (and being treated as such) in a wide variety of spaces, “bleeding” more femininity into my day-to-day self (essentially fuzzying up my public gender presentation more), using neutral titles as a parent (ie. baba), and little things like taking the time to shave my legs, paint my nails, and generally feel beautiful as myself. While there are other things I might consider doing, like laser hair removal on my facial hair, something like gender confirmation surgery (aka. sexual reassignment surgery) feels wholly unnatural to my needs and desires.
What I am trying to say, is that while you can look to others and more standard narratives for some common paths to take, your path is the right one to take no matter where it takes you. If you can find a place of happiness without medical transition pieces then stay right there and live your life with pride! If you find that is not what you need then it is just time to push forward and find the resources and the support to make the changes you need. Neither path is the right or wrong one, the natural or unnatural one.